that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
