I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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