I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
