I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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