if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
