my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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