Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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