when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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