About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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