The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
