There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
