Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize