I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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