i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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