Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
