i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
