Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
operation harelip BJ is a go
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
