I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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