btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
