I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
