It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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