What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
