I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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