Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
