He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize