New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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