i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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