a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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