just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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