Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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