I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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