did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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