The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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