she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize