I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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