i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
