it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
