i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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