I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
