I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
