i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
