I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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