Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
