I think I won the penis lottery.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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