i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
