Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
