i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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