She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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