Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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