for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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