Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
