I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
