So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
