Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
