dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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