he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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