I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize