i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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