Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
