A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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