I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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