just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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