I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
