I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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