Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
