Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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