Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i barfeds in our rink
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm always down for nudity.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
