too bad you live with your parents still
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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