Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
