I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
