paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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