My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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