New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was like eating out sand paper
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
