i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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