I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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