I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
