im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize