The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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