My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
