do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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