can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
farters have to be the big spoon...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
