I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
