Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
