Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
