I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
