he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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