I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
