I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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